thinking about grief

These have been sad weeks and grief at many levels swirls in our city. Grief for lost loved ones, for homes and businesses, for jobs and friends who have moved away.  Anne Deveson in her book Resilience says

 

“I think we don’t fully understand or appreciate how diverse grief is. You fall in love in a thousand ways, and you grieve in a thousand ways” (quoted on p259).

 

She goes on to say - “Grief never leaves you, I once heard writer V.S. Naipaul say, ‘but it mutates into a deepening awareness of the greater capacity for love, and an extra-ordinary awareness of the interconnectedness of life’.(p268)”

 

 

 

submission presented

Yesterday I presented our submission on Alcohol Law Reform to the select committee. The committee was chaired by Chester Burrows (National), Charles Chauvel (labour), Sue Kedgley (Green) and Paul Quinn (National). After presenting for about ten minutes and choking up when I came to say ‘our community is hurting right now in the wake of the earthquake’ they had very little to say but were open and sympathetic. The chairman, Chester Burrows, thanked us for a very thorough and well presented submission (big thanks to John McNeil our writer) and for the personal presentation. Charles Chauvel pointed out that not all the issues we raised would be looked at in this select committee process but we should continue to make our views clear to MP’s.

I told them about our concerns as a church, explained how we were involved in the community and outlined the key points of our submission which strongly endorsed law changes around the price, availability and provisions for liquor advertising. I also told them about the experience of going out after midnight with the police to see the damage and risks alcohol put people under. It was good to do and a privilege to be able to present the submission.

Setting up for Sunday

Tomorrow will be a special day to remember, name and grieve our losses.

 

In the wake of the Japanese earthquake it is important that we pray for Japan and don’t lose sight of our own loss and grief here.

 

Perhaps we can pray for Japan today with a new sensitivity to their needs and  pain.

 

 

Grief and Guilt

As I am talking to people I am hearing two common sets of feelings – grief and guilt.
Heaps of people are grieving and hurting. They have lost much and many are feeling fearful and anxious about the future without a loved one, a home, a job, an office etc.
These people look really weary, becoming easily emotional and need lots of time to tell their stories and share their pain.

And then there are the guilty. The earthquake struck randomly and some people have been almost completely unaffected. Many of these feel guilty, which can mean we shrink back from those who are hurting.

For us all. Us who grieve and us who feel guilty we need to thank God for what we do have, name our losses and fears and ask God how can we be compassionate to someone else today.

When I ask God to guide us in this way I am often amazed by who God puts in my path and the possibilities to show compassion and care that open up.  Being thankful, confessing our reality and asking for the resources and guidance to be compassionate are great prayers to pray today.

Go well and take the time to hear how those around you are really feeling

Grace and peace

Alan

Stillness

This morning was the first morning since Feb 22^nd that I was able to re-capture my space for prayer. Over the last couple of weeks prayer has been snatched between other demands, tired summaries to a long day or overly focused on the next thing I had to lead or people in enormous pain. It was freeing to come back to the still deep well of God’s presence and draw from God’s written word and reflect. It is only as I’ve missed these times that there importance has grown. Funny that most days my God-me space is just part of the day, almost as un-special and routine as eating breakfast; but then when I miss it for a few days I start to feel ragged, less centred, less aware of myself and others and have so much less to give. It was good this morning. how are your times of prayer, of being still, of meditation and spiritual reading going?

 

 

Lent Begins

Today is the beginning of Lent, the day more traditional churches remember as ‘Ash Wednesday’.

On Ash Wednesday Christians have ashes sprinkled on their foreheads to remind them of their mortality (as if I need another reminder right now another after shock, a 4.3, has hit as I am writing this).

Ash Wednesday helps us be aware of the frailty that is inherent in our very nature so that we can begin to follow Jesus on the road toward Easter. The road on which we are invited to carry our own cross and the road that leads to new resurrection life. It seems we are all vividly aware of our mortality after two big earthquakes, grieving friends and families around us, and seemingly endless aftershocks. Ash Wednesday begins the lent journey from with this sense of mortality and fraility.

During Lent we remember Jesus walking this road and ask how we can companion Jesus as he looked toward his death and trusted in the promises of God.

To help remind ourselves of the struggle and suffering of Jesus own road people often give something up as a practical way of saying to ourselves and God we want to follow Jesus. This year we have had so much taken from us it might be better to focus on one thing we have already lost, like a flush toilet, and ask God to make this part of our reminder of the painful road Jesus choose to walk for us.

We have two books of daily readings available for Lent this year.

The first is a set of daily readings by Maggi Dawn called ‘Giving it up’ which are available from the Media room or church office for $20 and secondly a pocket sized set of daily readings from World Vision also available for $2 from the church office or media room.

Or you might like to try listening to a 12 minute a day reading and reflection at http://pray-as-you-go.org

How about taking this pre-Easter period as a time to do some regular bible reading and prayer.... 

Encouraging ways to pray

Recently Jo and John, two of our overseas workers, sent an email of support for us in Christchurch. They wrote:

We hope it helps a little to hear that we have heard of your pain and sorrow and that we are praying for you. We have learnt over the past couple of years, through our own times of sorrow, that there are two kinds of “praying for you”.

The first is what we usually think of when someone says they are praying for you – we are asking that God will be with you in pain, that he will bring comfort in mourning, and that he will work to bring something of his goodness and life out of the sadness and destruction.

But there is another kind of “praying for you” – that is, we are praying “on your behalf”. In times of pain, sorrow and tiredness, we often do not have the strength or words to be able to pray – even crying out to God is hard. At those dark times, the community of believers comes together to do the praying for you. If you do not have the energy to even think about praying, or do not know how to pray, we want to encourage you that you have a family around the world who are at this time crying out to God on your behalf.

We will uphold you in prayer until you have the strength to do it again for yourself.

Worth Hearing

On Sunday we had some wonderful services and there are two audio clips from these that I would thoroughly recommend we all listen to.

 

Ants  interviewed our ex Mayor Garry Moore about the future of our city – this is a funny, honest and moving account of our future as a city. It is encouraging and down to earth. I suspect the best comment about the way ahead that I have heard or read in the last two weeks.

 

And we also had Prof John Lennox, Oxford University Philosophy of Science and Mathematics lecturer and an excellent Christian Apologist speaking. John tackled the very difficult question of ‘WHY?’. He does this with pastoral sensitivity and a soft heart but also a fierce intellect combined with a deep biblical faith. It is an outstanding message in the heart of such pain and deep cries of ‘why?

 

Both of the mp3’s are available at http://www.spreydon.org.nz/earthquake/earthquake_assistance

 

I hope these may encourage you

Grace and peace

alan

 

Enormous Support

Yesterday I shared the support of a pastor near New Orleans who I have been emailing. He sent his prayers and encouragement to our church saying:

Friends,

Five years ago, Hurricane Katrina struck our area destroying homes, schools, jobs and dreams. We know the difficulty of these early days following a natural disaster. I encourage you to do two things. Cling to your faith in Christ. The road ahead is long. His strength will carry you in surprising and amazing ways. Watch and wait for the presence of Christ to show up in unexpectedly amazing ways even in the midst of the pain.

Then, be the Body of Christ.  You need each other and your city needs you to be no more and no less than the Body in these days. These are the moments for which God drew us together.  

I am praying for your leader, your church, and your city.

Blessings my friends.

Eddie Rester

In such a difficult time it is great to have so much support from others. Whether it be the ‘farmy army’, the student army those who are baking all around the country or the support and prayers of those thousands of miles away. It is great to have people’s support and care.

Take care today

Grace and peace

Alan

Kia Kaha

This sign appeared outside our local diary yesterday. I like it. It links with the whole country coming out in Red and Black and the cry ‘Kia Kaha’ which seems to be a cry across the city. Steve Withington signed off ‘Kia Kaha’ in our first email to people in the church on Wednesday last week and it seems that many others have had the same inspiration.  It is Ok to say be strong but where does our strength come from when we are tired, weary, desperately sad and have suffered so much?  Paul wrote from his own experience on this in 2 Cor 12.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. . . for when I am weak, then I am strong.”

I pray for you God’s grace will give you all you need to be strong today. Don’t worry about tomorrow – let God’s grace empower you for today.

If you are praying for me today I would appreciate prayer as I visit some of the families who have lost loved ones but also for Di, Daphne, Karen, Ibrani, Chris and others who have been doing this all week.

Kia Kaha today

Alan

The Dogs Are Barking!

There are many so called prophets getting coverage on blog sites, talk back and emails at the moment. Some claim the earthquake is God’s judgement on the sin of the city, the liberal theology of the churches or a wake-up call of God.

I heard of one yesterday that claimed God sent the earthquake because Christchurch had become known as ‘Ch-Ch’- an abbreviation but also apparently a blasphemy that so angered God that he sent the earthquake. 

Let me be blunt; this kind of prophecy is crap. It creates an image of an ogre God who is indiscriminate, petty and downright frightening. If you get emails with prophecies like these delete them. If you hear people talking about these kinds of prophecies please quote me – “this is just crap” (I’m quoting Steve Graham). It has nothing whatsoever to do with the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ”.

I have found Dean Peter Beck’s comments most helpful when he was asked where is God in this massive disaster?

"God is in all these people," says Beck, as his sweep takes in Civil Defence people, reporters hunched over laptops, police and army personnel in high-vis vests. God is in the midst of all this. God is weeping with those who weep. God is alongside those who are finding the energy to just keep going. God is in the people who are reaching out and seeking to sustain one another. God is about building community, about empowering people." Yes, but where was God was when offices pancaked and burnt and hundreds died?”

"Well," says Beck, "we live on a dynamic, creating planet that's doing its thing. For whatever reason, our forebears chose to build this city on this place. They didn't know we were on this faultline. God doesn't make bad things happen to good people. We make our own choices about what we do.”

"The core of my faith is that life is stronger than death, and love is stronger than hate. I bring that sense of belief in life into situations like this, which are dire and awful and deadly. “

And as Steve Graham (Dean of Laidlaw College here in Christchurch) wrote, “God’s word is not looking backwards but forwards to recover and rebuild a city”.

Blokes Don't Cry

I went to a Boys High School (Nelson College). A school with a proud tradition of turning boys into men where tears were for third formers and you learnt to ‘suck it up’ and not display too many feelings. It is part of our Kiwi male culture but at times like we are going through now it encourages us to be less instead of more.  One of the shortest and yet most powerful verses in the Bible is John 11 v 35. It is the easiest memory verse and shows the manliness of Jesus who seeing the grief of his friends was moved to tears himself. The verse simply says  “Jesus wept” (John 11 v 35).

Another translation puts it like this:

“He stood. They watched. And the flow of words ceased, the flow of tears began. . . Jesus began to weep. So the Jews said, ‘See how he loved him’”.

Jesus showed enormous resolve and courage in his life even to the point of laying down his life, going to a cruel cross, for his friends. Yet he was also vulnerable and open to tears. This is not the only passage that shows Jesus crying; he weeps over Jerusalem and cries in the garden as well. Perhaps many times when he climbed the hills to pray alone he also wept. Can we allow ourselves to weep too?

In different ways we have all suffered loss and now 10 days later the emotions are catching up with us. Lets not push them down but have the courage of Jesus to let our emotions show. To cry is healthy. It can be a form of prayer (see Romans 8 v 23).

Each of us has within us a grief space like a small jar. Each drop of sadness and loss falls into this jar and slowly it fills up. Somewhere along the way our jar of grief and sadness overflows. We think we are doing fine and are OK and then suddenly the littlest of things can trigger tears and a deep sense of loss as our jar over flows. We need these times to healthily empty some of the grief from our lives. Don’t be surprised if something like this happens to you over the next couple of days. And if it does be gentle – let yourself cry and share your sadness with someone close and with God.

May God who made himself vulnerable and wept be with you today

Alan

The next step

A few years ago Sandra and I visited New York. It was the one year anniversary of 9/11 and the city was commemorating, grieving and celebrating the bravery and the spirit of New Yorkers to keep on going and rebuild.  One of the moving things I remember from that time were the fences that had been covered with simple pictures, drawings, letters and prayers from children all over the country. The presence of these children’s art and prayers helped bring a sense of hope and  people were clearly moved as they walked slowly by to read them. After the September earthquake here some ‘guerrilla knitters’ put up knitted signs of hope on fences around our city. Again these simple acts encouraged people. The night after 9/11 two search lights shone up into the night sky marking where the Twin Towers had been. In the next few weeks we all need to see and make symbols of hope like these. They may be as simple as a child’s picture stuck on a fence, a word knitted onto a blanket, a letter or email of encouragement to someone, a home baked meal or cake dropped into a friend in need. The ways of symbolising hope are numerous and we all need to see them and help make them.

Human psychology is now telling us how important to our health and wellbeing are acts of compassion and hope. It seems that when we act compassionately towards others and act to inspire hope we too are positively affected.  Now this makes great Biblical sense as well as good human psychology. For our own spiritual health we all need to make deliberate choices to act with compassion towards others and to offer hope to others. Doing so will help us recover as much as it will help others.

I went to grocery shop on the way home tonight and in the car park met a guy in a high visibility jacket with ‘City Care’ written on it. He looked sun burnt, tired and was covered in dust and dirt. I stopped in front of him and said ‘thank you for all you guys are doing out here for us’. Immediately he looked up and said, as only a kiwi bloke can, ‘it has to be done, someone has to get amongst it’. I thanked him again. as i left the supermarket he was driving out. With a smile he wound down the window and stuck his arm out waved and smiled. I felt better and he obviously did too.

But we also need to act with compassion for ourselves and give ourselves time to connect with symbols of hope. Jesus told us to ‘love our neighbours as ourselves’. Please take time to care for you today. To allow yourself some moments of self compassion. Please take time to connect with words of scripture, music or art that will inspire hope in you today. In a new city of huge pain, brokenness and uncertainty we need to be compassionate with ourselves and find meaningful symbols of hope more than ever. On Sunday I read from Psalm 23 which includes the line ‘He alloweth me to lie down in green pastures”. By this David was saying God allows me to lie down in Green pastures. God allows you too. Can you allow yourself to take some rest, to connect with words and symbols of hope that will refresh and renew you. From this base you can speak and act with compassion and offer hope to others.

Take care of yourself and others today and look for and make small symbols of hope.

God be with you

alan

A long week takes its toll

It seems unbelievable that it is only a week since the earthquake. But it is. Today at 12:51 we are all being asked to have a two minute silence to remember the devastating effect of this quake on all the people of Christchurch and especially those who have lost family and loved friends and those who are waiting for news. This will be a poignant moment across the whole country. Just thinking about the country stopping to remember sends a small shiver down my spine.

 

A week on all our emotions are surfacing and we need to be careful of ourselves and of each other. Last night I got really grumpy that I couldn’t find the remote for the TV. It was everyone else’s fault and I was stomping around grumpily looking for it and blaming everyone else. I wanted to sit down for a few minutes and think about something else, get lost in some inane TV programme. We eventually found it in a spot that only our grandson could have put it and I felt stupid for being so grumpy. How are your emotions surfacing? In the midst of this week  it is extremely important that we take the space to look after ourselves, identify our feelings and find good spaces to let these feelings surface. Some of us will feel very sad and want to cry, others get grumpy and others may still primarily feel numb. Look after yourself and be gentle with those around you.

 

Working with people who deal with grief and sadness often I have learnt that each of us has within us an emotional jar. Each drop of sadness and loss falls into this jar and slowly it fills up. Somewhere along the way our jar of grief and sadness overflows. We think we are doing fine and are OK and then suddenly we the littlest of things can trigger tears, a deep sense of loss and despair as our jar over flows. We need these times to healthily empty some of the grief from our lives. Don’t be surprised if something like this happens to you over the next couple of weeks. And if it does be gentle – let yourself cry and share your sadness with someone close and with God.

 

Go well today and care for those around you

Grace and peace

Alan